You’re not as fat as you think, but you will be

I have felt fat for much of my life. I’ve discovered as I get older that it is, at least in part, a state of mind. In part it is a state of society. There is an image of the perfect body, and I haven’t ever had it. Which is interesting because I look back on how I used to look and what I used to weight and I realize I looked and weighed a pretty healthy amount. But that’s not what the world told me.

I am a big guy, I always have been, ever since that final growth spurt in college. But I’ve been working off charts made by the AMA (American Medical Association) that say I’m obese. Doctors have been telling me for years that I need to get off the excess weight. The result has been occasional “success” followed by my body returning to it’s comfortable weight. In retrospect, my comfortable weight was more of the success.

My mindset that I was fat has lead more frequently to me giving up on eating healthy. My belief I was fat has not lead me to lose weight, it’s lead me to being fat. When I get stressed I eat. When I feel overweight I feel like it doesn’t matter what I eat. When I get stressed and eat it’s usually not good quality food. I very rarely get so stressed out that I need to go eat a salad.

So I came across pictures from 6 years ago. And I look at that young guy in the pictures and think, I was looking pretty good. For an obese man (thanks AMA).

While we’re on the topic of obesity, let me highlight that having a single chart that it supposed to tell you your ideal weight, that doesn’t take into account your frame size, skeletal mass, really anything about you specifically, and then making a medical claim off that average of humanity is TOTAL B@**SH*@. The average person isn’t average and to tell someone what they should do or be based on what the average of everyone else did or was is a complete fallacy.

As a man I get the impression that I’m not supposed to care. Or that I am not a typical demographic that is supposed to mind.  But I do and I have. There is a lot in society that tells me what I’m supposed to be and I tend to internalize this and criticize myself for not being what I could never be.

In a way this feeds into all the messages I’ve ever written on this blog. You are okay as you are. You are not broken, you just don’t conform to a false image of what you should be and what you should believe. You have been fed a bill of goods by society stating what you are supposed to be and how you are supposed to act and what your body should look like, it is a lie.

Be you! Be okay with you!

I’m working on being okay with me, and the first step is admitting that I’ve lied to myself about what I should be. I am F&@#ING AWESOME! And I have the body of an Adonis. Which is nice.

Then again the phrase “Body of an Adonis” has it’s own judgement in it. Body shaming is built into my language. I have the body of a human. I am exactly who and what I need to be for the moment that I am in.

Maybe I’ll lose some weight this year. Maybe I’ll gain some weight this year. But what I really wish for this year is the power to be me, as I am, as I need to be. It is easy being perfect, because I’m already there. Next step is accepting my perfection.

Please look at yourself today and accept your perfection. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with me.

Namaste and Love, Kevin

The Importance Of Being Human

I was working on the dishes this morning, in the kitchen.

“Oh NO!!!” I hollered as a pile of dishes in a mixing bowl shifted and the water sloshed out of the bowl, out of the sink, onto the floor and my pants and my shoes.

My daughter came running over, “Where is the broken glass?”

“There isn’t any broken glass,” I responded. A little disgruntled and a little agitated.

“Well at least nothing is broken,” She responded with a smile.

I considered for a moment. I softened. “Yes, at least nothing is broken.”

At least nothing was broken. It’s true. It was just a puddle on the ground and a rag later, and a wipe down of my pants, everything was more or less, good as new.

It’s hard sometimes to remember how good we have it. It can be easy to get buried in a problem and think the world is coming to an end. It isn’t likely to.

Individual worlds do collapse.

Illusions shatter all the time.

But we are here. We are alive. We are a miracle.

It’s easy to lose sight of the fact we are human. We are miraculous.

I spend much of my day buried in my thoughts. In a world I have constructed in my head. I fold and craft a reality around me from the images I build in my mind of what I believe is happening around me. It’s not real. It’s not as bad as it seems.

At least there is no broken glass. Yes, sometimes there is a mess. Sometimes there is broken glass. But we are here. We are human.

Human is a very loaded word.

It can be an excuse for behavior and mistakes. “He’s only human.”

It can be a burden to overcome. “Held back by humanity.”

It can be a low water mark above which some rise, “She’s superhuman.”

It can represent disgraceful behavior or shocking catastrophe, “Oh, the humanity!”

It can represent the best of us, “It is beautiful to see human kindness.”

It’s easy to forget it represents us. With all our foibles and all our strengths. It’s important to remember that we are human.

Yes, sometimes we are a mess. But that is okay. After all, we are, only human.

Namaste,

Kevin

It’s Complicated

“It’s complicated”. This phrase has been leaving my mouth a lot recently. It doesn’t seem to matter if I’m talking about how to interact with my 4 year old or the state of global politics. I consider all the things that are going on around me and when I try to explain them, or put them into words, all I can come up with is “It’s complicated”. Which I suppose is a way of throwing up my hands in the air and saying “Hell if I know”… But it’s a little more polite in conversation.

It’s a clear sign of being overwhelmed. Inundated. Past my threshold.

I miss being 20 something. Even then I had a lot going on and a lot of doubts about things. But the world seemed a lot simpler. My problems seemed a lot more… Well I was going to say easy. But in reality, I look back at them and they appear easier. Many appear trivial. But they look easy, because they are past. I know I survived them, or overcame them. I know it’s going to be okay, because it was okay. Everything turned out, more or less, for the best.

I feel like living in the world today takes more than it did back then. But that may be a fallacy. My world has changed dramatically since I was in my 20’s. I have kids and a wife. I have many more bills to pay and responsibilities. It’s hard to look objectively and state that the world today is different because of X or Y, when in reality the world is different because of everything.

Is the world today better or worse? Are people devolving or evolving?

It seems the more I learn about how the world ticks, the less I accept as being understood.

My world view has evolved.

My reasons for doing things have changed.

I am still me, and I am still optimistic. But I have adapted, I have changed. I am not the same as I was when I set out on this journey. Which, to be fair, I believe is the reason for the journey.

What I’m trying to say is, “It’s complicated”. But it’s going to be okay.

Namaste and Love,

Kevin

You can’t always get what you want

No, you can’t always get what you want.

But if you try some times,

you just might find,

you get what you need.

 

Who do you want to be today?

Who do you want to be?

Who do you want to be today?

Do you want to be just like someone on TV?

Just like somebody on TV.

 

Sweet dreams are made of these.

Who am I to disagree?

I traveled the world and the seven seas,

Everybody’s looking for something.

 

Some days are dry

Some days are leaky

Some days come clean

Other days are squeaky

Some days just drop in on us

Some days are better than others

 

I’ve found a new friend, underneath my pillow.

 

She’s a maniac, maniac, at your door.

And she’s dancing like she’s never danced before.

 

Enid we never really knew each other anyway.

Enid we always saw right through each other anyway.

It took me a year to admit it was over

And it took me two more to get over the loss

 

 

Where are you going?

To see a crazy old man.

What will he tell you?

He’ll tell me where I am going.

What will you do then?

I might just quit my job.

What will you do then?

I’m going to find my way home again

home again

home again

 

Namaste,

Kevin

 

Credits:

Rolling Stones – You can’t always get what you want

Oingo Boingo – Who Do You Want To Be Today?

Eurhythmics – Sweet dreams

U2 – Some days are better than others

They Might Be Giants – Fingertips

Hall and Oats – She’s a maniac

Barenaked Ladies – Enid

Danny Elfman – Home Again

 

 

Don’t worry about the spelling

Thanks for your feedback on last week’s flow writing. I often enjoy sitting back and watching my fingers flow across the keyboard as I absently try to follow what is coming out.

The words usually surprise me, often pleasantly. I like the feeling that comes from being a part of something bigger than myself. Flow writing lends to that feeling. My brain kicks in for spell checking. The spirit of inspiration has reasonable grammar and spelling, but things slip through.

I’ve actually had people unsubscribe from my mailing list after complaining to me about my poor grammar or spelling. As an admitted OCD personality I know how it feels to come across spelling errors and not be able to move forward.

I was watching a presentation yesterday a slide came up with a great deal of useful information on it, the information was correlated with time frames for release (which years the activity had occurred). On the middle time bar, the window of time was from 20013-2014… I was hung. I couldn’t take in the rest of the slide. I was completed stuck on the idea that one of the releases would occur 18,000 years in the future.

It’s hard to turn off your brains difference engine. It’s difficult, especially if it’s your core strength, to be able to shut down a part of your personality, your training.

Yet, that’s exactly what we need. Our strengths come easier. When weaknesses start to show up, we have to lean on our strengths. When your bad knee acts up, you have to favor the other leg. But if you keep going, if you start to depend on the other leg all the time, you’ll end up with two bad knees. The bad knee won’t get any better and the good knee will get worse. You need to rest, and recuperate. You need to shut down for a bit.

So remember, especially when reading my blog :), that it’s not all about spelling. It’s not all about presentation. Look for the good intentions. Look for the motivation. Look for the light shining behind the message. Look past any obvious warts and focus on the inherent beauty.

Everything is beautiful, in its own way.

-Namaste, Kevin

 

Nothing

I yearn for nothing.

I seek nothing.

I desire nothing.

 

My mind is everything, everywhere, every-need.

My mind spins and loops and jump and wiggles and wobbles.

 

I need nothing.

I need the peace that comes from silence.

I need the moment that comes between the moments.

I need nothing.

 

Yet I continue doing everything.

I continue working down the nub.

 

I am worn.

I am spent.

I am good for nothing.

 

Yet I avoid nothing.

I am afraid of nothing.

 

I feel like I must do everything.

I must try something.

 

What can be accomplished with nothing?

Nothing.

 

What can be accomplished with everything?

Nothing.

 

If I do nothing to get to nothing.

I am left with nothing.

 

If I do everything to get to nothing.

I am left with nothing, but I am also spent.

 

Nothing is inevitable.

Yet I fight nothing.

Nothing will save me.

Nothing can be lost.

Nothing will come from nothing.

 

Namaste,

Kevin

The Choice Is Easy

There is a reason they say choice is easy.

Choosing is easy, almost subconscious. Often we find we’ve already made the choice. We spend the rest of our time trying to legitimize our bias, or to rationalize our choice. But the choice is easy.

The challenge is when it comes to actually ‘doing’ the thing we’ve chosen.

The work is hard.

It is useful to understand why we made the choice. This can help with motivation. It can be very useful to remind yourself that your life is complicated and messy by choice. You are not a victim. You have chosen the path you are on today. Why are you here?

The choice was easy. The path is hard.

You are doing the difficult work of living.

Remember why.

Live today.

Namaste,

Kevin

Be Your Own Marketing Team

I was reading a book to my kids on sales and marketing. The kids were suitably intrigued and found the story engaging and fun, while they may have also picked up a few details on the topic. The most interesting part to me, was my reaction. I felt uncomfortable talking about sales and marketing with my children.

I have always been uncomfortable with sales and marketing. Trying to understand why and how to get over/through this issues for my own business is the focus of much self work that I engage in.

Even presently, as I am struggling to grow my own businesses, I find myself hesitant. My activities are critically intertwined with sales and marketing. Though I feel somewhat more noble taking advantage of the fruits of other peoples marketing efforts, rather than engaging in my own. I suppose it’s akin to hiring an assassin instead of killing someone yourself… The fact that my brain comes up with this analogy is a clear indicator that I see marketing as dirty and unseemly, analogous to killing.

The book was sharing the idea of a kid’s lemonade stand. A simple enough idea. It discusses how, when you run a business, you need to consider the expense. You have to pay for inventory such as lemons, sugar and cups. You need to advertise, in this case a simple form of poster boards put up around your stand to point people in the right direction.

This to me is a good and pure activity and has simple math and business lessons for us all.

The book goes on to talk about various forms of advertising and how they can be used to reach people (TV, radio, print, etc). This is where things start to get uncomfortable, techniques for making the customer ‘need’ your product. They discuss packaging, making the items look more fun and engaging. How some packaging is deceptive, such as making the product look bigger or nicer than it actually is. Also, the discussion moves towards making people feel like they need something. Advertisements focused on making people feel, if they have the product, they will be more beautiful, have friends, etc.

In many ways I wish I had someone introduce me to these ideas when I was younger. But I still don’t know how much it would help. Advertisers have honed their art to such a degree, it’s almost like black magic. Crafting the words and ideas in such a way that the claims make you feel like you need their product to fulfill your desires. “If I just crack open an ice cold soda I will be surrounded by friends and dancing teddy bears.” We know it’s not true, but the image is in our heads and the association is there. Soda advertisements never show obese people sitting alone in a dark room watching TV and eating a tub of cheezy puffaroos while they check their insulin levels.

I think this is part of my concern. My version of a soda commercial and theirs exaggerate certain aspects of life. They are focusing on the positive and desired aspects of life that they want associated with their product. My advertisement of their soda focuses on the negative. It’s a snapshot. Not the full picture.

When I sell someone something I want them to be aware of both sides of the coin.

Warning: My blog may contain boring prose where I ramble about ideas that you don’t care about and have no impact on your life.

I suppose some level of it is ego management. Lowering expectations so I don’t disappoint. But there is also a large group of people that would have no interest in my blog whatsoever. I don’t need to focus on those people, they won’t be reading the blog.

Others can point out my flaws.

Others can also point out my merits.

So on balance, this leads to my current approach to marketing, which is to let the end results speak for themselves. The merit of the content and materials will ‘sell themselves’. To a degree this is true and to a degree this works. But… If you are going to speak about yourself, your work, your products, why would you bad mouth them? Why would you become your own voice of dissent? Why turn your own market against you?

You are your own marketing group. Whether it comes to dating, selling, being part of a community, everything you do. You don’t have to be false. You don’t have to manufacture a need for your product. Believe in your value and the merits of your products and speak highly of them. If you truly don’t believe in the product you are selling, then you need to change the product or find a way to believe in yourself. Self sabotage doesn’t protect you from failure, it ensures it.

Go out there and succeed. I’ll see you at the top of the mountain.

Love and Namaste,

Kevin

Brief Shadows On The Wall

Why do we rush so?

Why do we busy ourselves with so much nonsense?

There is the standard answer that helps me move on and ignore the question: I need to make a living. I need to feed myself and my family. I do what I do to survive.

I was listened to the radio yesterday when ‘Dust in the wind’ by Kansas came on. I’ve mentioned the song here before. This time it struck me powerfully in a moment of busyness. As I listened I almost began to weep.

I was reminded that all my busy work and activity will not be remembered.

It occurred to me as I considered my busyness and rushing about, that it has little to no impact on the world at large. Thought of legacy doesn’t typically enter my day or impact my choices. My light and my shadow are fleeting and then all too soon gone.

“Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.” – Macbeth – Shakespeare

Don’t despair. This is your moment on the stage. Enjoy the stage lights. Anticipate the applause. Appreciate that you are the player and that you are only here for a brief run.

Enjoy the show.

My point, if I am force to make one, is that we take ourselves very seriously. In a few moments we will be gone. Nothing but dust. Perhaps our time would be better spent watching the clouds make shapes, then trying to reshape the clouds.

“Mongo only pawn in game of life.” – Mongo – Blazing Saddles – Mel Brooks

Namaste, Kevin

 

 

I Guess I Need You Again

Wow! It has been a long break. I have not posted a blog update in just over a year. I was looking at my website today and realized 2 interesting things. I’ve been thinking about writing a blog update for the last few weeks. So here is the long awaited return of my chakra thoughts.

1) My last update was on 5/5/16 Just over 1 year ago.
2) The title of the update was ‘I Don’t Need You Right Now’

I intended for the title to be a means of letting you, my loyal readers, off the hook. A way of letting you know that you don’t have to be on all the time. That we can relax a bit. So we all took a year off. I have been learning a bit about manifesting through thought and energy over the last year. Well, the initial exposure was a long time before that. But the last year has been an exercise in faith and practice. I have to say, there are aspects of it that are going very well, and aspects that are completely unexpected.

I had no idea when I wrote that post last year that I would then not write again for a year. But I put the thought out there, I expressed the energy, that I didn’t need you, and then it manifested. And might I add, I’ve kind of missed you all. For many of you the energy is intangible, I have never even heard from 90 percent of my readers, but I would like to. Please send me an email, reply to my post, say hello. I would love to hear from the people the universe has seen fit to connect me with.

Additionally I have to say, with no hint of modesty, for all of us to take a year off was a colossal mistake. The world apparently, desperately needed us, in our absence they have made some very bad decisions. But we stepped away from the helm and look where we are now…

So I say with love in my heart and compassion in my thoughts, let’s get back out there. The world really needs us. Like, REALLY REALLY needs us! So let’s get ready. I guess I need you again too. Welcome back.

Namaste,
Kevin