My Constructed World Of Urgency

I was sitting in my home office chair researching. My attention was focused in sharply on the mobile app development techniques I was trying to learn. Working at home I always have the risk of some distraction. My wife needing help, the kids needing help, random noises of sibling discontent as they argue about the finer points of who gets to hold the current favored item. So, I put on my noise cancelling headphones to minimize distraction and dive deep into my reading.

As much as I’m trying to focus, I realize something is drawing my attention away from my computer screen. My attention shifts to a repeating sound outside of my office. Half frustrated, I try to identify what the sound is and how I can isolate it and remove it. I have to work, I need to focus, this is important! I realize as I begin to make out the sound more clearly that it is my 3-year-old singing. The voice of an angel is coming through the walls to me, and I am struggling to find a way to remove the sound.

As I listen more closely, I realize I don’t know the song he is singing. It is just a song he is making up, a happy little lyric only a 3-year-old would think to put to music. It is a moment of pure beauty. A smile reaches across my face and gently removes my intensity. I realize as I listen further that he is accompanied by birds signing in the back yard and there is a light breeze blowing.

I realize that the pace I am running my mind at and the urgency I have established in my research is completely self-imposed. The adrenal burst I generated to push myself harder is making me lose sight of the beauty around me. I have pushed myself into survival mode so I can… so I can what? What am I looking to survive to a later moment for? Why do I need to survive this moment? I need to live this moment!

The push toward fight or flight is entirely self-constructed. I am in fact making myself tense as a tool for efficiency and focus. I am turning myself into a tool. I am not a tool; I am a human being. Alive and blessed and driven… Driven to distraction. I need to come back to the present. I need to hear the birds. I need to hear my child. The child that I use as my motivation for what I do. The child I am ignoring as I plow forward trying to provide for.

I want to cry. Both tears of joy and tears of sadness. This moment is so beautiful. My pressure feels so insidious.

The Record Needle

Consciousness is enigmatic at best. It’s easy enough to explain it in self referencing terms, for example, “I think, therefore I am.” But it’s difficult to abstract away from the subject itself to describe what consciousness actually is. I wanted to introduce you to the concept of the record needle.

Dj Stylus On Vinyl Record

Imagine for a moment that your life is a record. You are born on the outer edge of the record and you die when the last song plays on the inner edge near the record label. Your whole life is represented by the music across the vinyl.

So what are you?

Are you the record? Yes. But this represents you across all time that you will occupy and have occupied.

Are you the music coming out of the speakers? Yes. But this is really the side effect of your presence.

Are you the record player? Yes, arguably, along with the rest of the universe. You can be seen as both part of the choir and the conductor. Player and played.

But what of your consciousness? Where would this metaphor put your consciousness? The answer is, the record needle.

Dj Needle Stylus On Spinning Record

Your consciousness is actually a tool, or mechanism, through which you are married to the present moment. Your consciousness enables you to experience your life one moment at a time. Without the needle the record would be a collage of random notes and orchestration. You need a linear experience to be able to process and attempt to understand the content.

Spinning Vinyl Record. Motion Blur Image. Vintage Toned.

Without life being presented as a momentary experience, everything would happen at once. There would be a tremendous burst of sight and sound, light and darkness, noise and silence, in an instant and then nothing.

Perhaps that is truly what the big bang is/was/will be. Everything happened all at once. Within that a tool was devised to allow souls to try to understand/experience that flash. How would you try to break down, literally everything, into digestible chunks?

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

Thus comes consciousness, a needle on the record of your life. Allowing you to process this experience linearly.

record-needle

Namaste,

Kevin

Reject Division

It is so easy to pick sides right now. You don’t have to look far to find an attempt to divide humanity. Women vs Men. Black vs White. Republicans vs Democrats. US vs Russia.

They are trying to divide us. They are trying to piss you have. They are trying to make you pick a side and see everyone else as other. They are trying to isolate you.

The herd never gets attacked directly. The herd is too powerful together. The goal of the predator is to frighten the herd and weed out the stragglers. Separate. Divide and conquer. They are trying to get you riled up and throw you off your game.

Reject division. Embrace your adversary.

Your true enemy is hidden in their tower and laughing as they watch us fight amongst ourselves.

Unify, unite. Love. Find common ground and stand on it.

Keep reaching across the aisle. Keep burying your differences and embrace your similarities.

I encourage you to be different. I encourage you to be yourself. Just try not to reject someone else when they disagree with you.

If you take one word away from this article, let it be ‘Love’.

Namaste,

Kevin

Gaming The System

It’s a little embarrassing to talk about.  Well, maybe embarrassing isn’t the word. It’s one of those things that is both social accepted and socially awkward. Well, let me just get it out there. I play pokemon go. Well I ‘played’ pokemon go. I played since the day the app launched through about 3 weeks ago. It was an add on to my dog walk. I walk the dogs every day, and while I’m out on the walk I search for imaginary creatures and gather resources from all the pokestops… The game has been out for almost 2 years and I’ve played with a few gaps, a day or two here and there while traveling, for the entire period.

I know all the local pokestops and all the spots around my neighborhood where pokemon will appear. I’ve hatched many 10 kilometer eggs and I have many legendary creatures. But it’s all in my head, well and my phone… But is it?

So, about 3 weeks ago, my app glitched and my login failed. I haven’t logged into the app in over 6 months. It just stored my login. So I didn’t remember the password. So I couldn’t just log back in and start going again. Mind you, I have the password, it was just a pain to lookup. The effort involved in looking it up gave me pause.

I do really enjoy the game, but I’ve always had privacy concerns. There is a gaming company that now knows my patterns of walking over the last 2 years. I’m sure they can reach some conclusion about my use of the game and what it implies that would feel rather creepy. Recent Facebook revelations are already enough to handle. We all assumed they could be doing creepy things with our data, but the truth is spookier than the assumption. But I digress. That’s a topic for another article.

The interesting part for me, is what happened after I stopped playing. As a creature of habit, I still walk the dogs every day, I walk them on the same loop. I can go on auto-pilot. That’s my loop.

Interestingly, my 40 minute walk now takes 30 minutes without pokemon go. But that’s not the main story here.

I can still see the pokestops. I have played the game enough that I know where all the gyms and pokestops are. Specifically, there is a cemetery near my house and it has pokestops on every corner and a few gyms. They are virtual objects, they don’t exist in the real world. But now they do. I can see them. I know when I get to them and I can even visualize them as I walk by. My mind, through enough repetition, made them real.

Through the connection between geography and movement, the real world and virtual world have been bridged. I now see pokestops when I walk around.

So the question in my mind is, are they real? Did the game make them real? Or did I?

What else have I repeated enough in my mind to construct a reality? What do I believe because I gave it space in my head? What does this mean for my world view?

We all live on a series of constructed visions in our head. Beliefs that we reinforced by repetition. The same thought, the same words, swirling around in our head until they go from concept to concrete. We make our thoughts real.

Sometimes these manifested concepts help us, lift us up. Sometimes these thoughts break us down and undermine us.

The first step is awareness. Become aware that you make your reality and that your brain is a powerful tool for how you interpret the world. It is in fact the only tool for how you interpret the world. Everything you see in the real world is just a construct in your head. A translation of your senses into a mental experience.

With that in mind, you need to learn to game the system. You need to start with beliefs that will lift you up and repeat them. You need to repeat the words that will make you soar. You are mighty. You are beautiful. You are a blessing to the world.

It’s called ‘gaming the system’, where you identify a trick to success and exploit it. It’s common in a game to have a certain behavior that gives you an advantage. Sure, well thought out games tend to have more complicated exploits, but there are behaviors that more frequently result in success. Identifying the techniques that will help you succeed is ‘gaming the system’.

identify what you need to believe, to succeed, and make it your truth.

Namaste,

Kevin

You’re not as fat as you think, but you will be

I have felt fat for much of my life. I’ve discovered as I get older that it is, at least in part, a state of mind. In part it is a state of society. There is an image of the perfect body, and I haven’t ever had it. Which is interesting because I look back on how I used to look and what I used to weight and I realize I looked and weighed a pretty healthy amount. But that’s not what the world told me.

I am a big guy, I always have been, ever since that final growth spurt in college. But I’ve been working off charts made by the AMA (American Medical Association) that say I’m obese. Doctors have been telling me for years that I need to get off the excess weight. The result has been occasional “success” followed by my body returning to it’s comfortable weight. In retrospect, my comfortable weight was more of the success.

My mindset that I was fat has lead more frequently to me giving up on eating healthy. My belief I was fat has not lead me to lose weight, it’s lead me to being fat. When I get stressed I eat. When I feel overweight I feel like it doesn’t matter what I eat. When I get stressed and eat it’s usually not good quality food. I very rarely get so stressed out that I need to go eat a salad.

So I came across pictures from 6 years ago. And I look at that young guy in the pictures and think, I was looking pretty good. For an obese man (thanks AMA).

While we’re on the topic of obesity, let me highlight that having a single chart that it supposed to tell you your ideal weight, that doesn’t take into account your frame size, skeletal mass, really anything about you specifically, and then making a medical claim off that average of humanity is TOTAL B@**SH*@. The average person isn’t average and to tell someone what they should do or be based on what the average of everyone else did or was is a complete fallacy.

As a man I get the impression that I’m not supposed to care. Or that I am not a typical demographic that is supposed to mind.  But I do and I have. There is a lot in society that tells me what I’m supposed to be and I tend to internalize this and criticize myself for not being what I could never be.

In a way this feeds into all the messages I’ve ever written on this blog. You are okay as you are. You are not broken, you just don’t conform to a false image of what you should be and what you should believe. You have been fed a bill of goods by society stating what you are supposed to be and how you are supposed to act and what your body should look like, it is a lie.

Be you! Be okay with you!

I’m working on being okay with me, and the first step is admitting that I’ve lied to myself about what I should be. I am F&@#ING AWESOME! And I have the body of an Adonis. Which is nice.

Then again the phrase “Body of an Adonis” has it’s own judgement in it. Body shaming is built into my language. I have the body of a human. I am exactly who and what I need to be for the moment that I am in.

Maybe I’ll lose some weight this year. Maybe I’ll gain some weight this year. But what I really wish for this year is the power to be me, as I am, as I need to be. It is easy being perfect, because I’m already there. Next step is accepting my perfection.

Please look at yourself today and accept your perfection. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with me.

Namaste and Love, Kevin

Don’t worry about the spelling

Thanks for your feedback on last week’s flow writing. I often enjoy sitting back and watching my fingers flow across the keyboard as I absently try to follow what is coming out.

The words usually surprise me, often pleasantly. I like the feeling that comes from being a part of something bigger than myself. Flow writing lends to that feeling. My brain kicks in for spell checking. The spirit of inspiration has reasonable grammar and spelling, but things slip through.

I’ve actually had people unsubscribe from my mailing list after complaining to me about my poor grammar or spelling. As an admitted OCD personality I know how it feels to come across spelling errors and not be able to move forward.

I was watching a presentation yesterday a slide came up with a great deal of useful information on it, the information was correlated with time frames for release (which years the activity had occurred). On the middle time bar, the window of time was from 20013-2014… I was hung. I couldn’t take in the rest of the slide. I was completed stuck on the idea that one of the releases would occur 18,000 years in the future.

It’s hard to turn off your brains difference engine. It’s difficult, especially if it’s your core strength, to be able to shut down a part of your personality, your training.

Yet, that’s exactly what we need. Our strengths come easier. When weaknesses start to show up, we have to lean on our strengths. When your bad knee acts up, you have to favor the other leg. But if you keep going, if you start to depend on the other leg all the time, you’ll end up with two bad knees. The bad knee won’t get any better and the good knee will get worse. You need to rest, and recuperate. You need to shut down for a bit.

So remember, especially when reading my blog :), that it’s not all about spelling. It’s not all about presentation. Look for the good intentions. Look for the motivation. Look for the light shining behind the message. Look past any obvious warts and focus on the inherent beauty.

Everything is beautiful, in its own way.

-Namaste, Kevin

 

Brief Shadows On The Wall

Why do we rush so?

Why do we busy ourselves with so much nonsense?

There is the standard answer that helps me move on and ignore the question: I need to make a living. I need to feed myself and my family. I do what I do to survive.

I was listened to the radio yesterday when ‘Dust in the wind’ by Kansas came on. I’ve mentioned the song here before. This time it struck me powerfully in a moment of busyness. As I listened I almost began to weep.

I was reminded that all my busy work and activity will not be remembered.

It occurred to me as I considered my busyness and rushing about, that it has little to no impact on the world at large. Thought of legacy doesn’t typically enter my day or impact my choices. My light and my shadow are fleeting and then all too soon gone.

“Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.” – Macbeth – Shakespeare

Don’t despair. This is your moment on the stage. Enjoy the stage lights. Anticipate the applause. Appreciate that you are the player and that you are only here for a brief run.

Enjoy the show.

My point, if I am force to make one, is that we take ourselves very seriously. In a few moments we will be gone. Nothing but dust. Perhaps our time would be better spent watching the clouds make shapes, then trying to reshape the clouds.

“Mongo only pawn in game of life.” – Mongo – Blazing Saddles – Mel Brooks

Namaste, Kevin

 

 

I Guess I Need You Again

Wow! It has been a long break. I have not posted a blog update in just over a year. I was looking at my website today and realized 2 interesting things. I’ve been thinking about writing a blog update for the last few weeks. So here is the long awaited return of my chakra thoughts.

1) My last update was on 5/5/16 Just over 1 year ago.
2) The title of the update was ‘I Don’t Need You Right Now’

I intended for the title to be a means of letting you, my loyal readers, off the hook. A way of letting you know that you don’t have to be on all the time. That we can relax a bit. So we all took a year off. I have been learning a bit about manifesting through thought and energy over the last year. Well, the initial exposure was a long time before that. But the last year has been an exercise in faith and practice. I have to say, there are aspects of it that are going very well, and aspects that are completely unexpected.

I had no idea when I wrote that post last year that I would then not write again for a year. But I put the thought out there, I expressed the energy, that I didn’t need you, and then it manifested. And might I add, I’ve kind of missed you all. For many of you the energy is intangible, I have never even heard from 90 percent of my readers, but I would like to. Please send me an email, reply to my post, say hello. I would love to hear from the people the universe has seen fit to connect me with.

Additionally I have to say, with no hint of modesty, for all of us to take a year off was a colossal mistake. The world apparently, desperately needed us, in our absence they have made some very bad decisions. But we stepped away from the helm and look where we are now…

So I say with love in my heart and compassion in my thoughts, let’s get back out there. The world really needs us. Like, REALLY REALLY needs us! So let’s get ready. I guess I need you again too. Welcome back.

Namaste,
Kevin

I Don’t Need You Right Now

i-dont-need-you
Go take a 5 minute break, you’re not needed right now.

There is a lot going on in the world, there always has been, there always will be. You are not responsible for managing it all.
I was out for lunch at a local pizza place. I was by myself and it was pretty much just me and my thoughts. Well there were a few other people eating in the restaurant. Oh, and there were TVs playing random shows placed around the walls. I think I counted 10 TVs each with a slightly different sports event playing. There was also music playing over the sound system in the pizza place. So there I was, practically in a zen sanctuary, on my precious lunch break, trying to relax. I set my phone down on the table and just went into my head for a few minutes. It was more or less quiet in my head, apart from parsing the music and random snippets of conversation and visual input of the silent TVs. At that moment it occurred to me, “Someone might need me, I should check my phone!”

It’s been a rough week. I got a speeding ticket on Monday. My daughter got bit by a stray cat Wednesday. Lots of concerns and built up anxiety about the future and the present all pile up to a feeling that something must be done right now. I must be needed by someone, somewhere, right now. So I have taken some time off by myself today, to step away from all the needs, in an attempt to have some time where I feel I am not needed. So I surround myself with devices that foster constant need.

I’ve yet to determine if my phone is high maintenance, or if it is me that is high maintenance. But we certainly interact with each other frequently in a high touch manner.

Also, was I high maintenance before the phone? Did I need to know this much about the people around me before I could? Now that I can remain in virtual constant contact it makes it hard to distinguish between when that contact is actually needed, and when it is just convenient.

I remember back before mobile phones were ubiquitous and ‘smart’. I recall a time when I was responsible for after hour outages at my software job. A pager was handed off to me at the end of the workday on Monday, I was told to keep it on me for the week, in case there was a problem. How I balked at the idea.

“My personal time is mine, I need the separation between my job and my life.” I yelled at my boss, quietly in my head, as I took the pager and placed it in my things to go home with.

I look back and think what a luxury it was to even be able to suggest such an idea. How amazing it was to be able to say “You won’t be able to reach me this evening, I’ll be out.” This was almost 20 years ago. It’s probably been 10 years since that level of disconnect was even possible from the world around us.

Don’t get me wrong. I know that it is possible to live your life less connected. I know there is a path to a life not always tapped in, but it’s not the mainstream path. I have friends that have a home phone and nothing more. I both marvel at this in wonder, and imagine what it would be like to go back to that. But it’s definitely the exception and not the norm any more.

So today, the average person in the US, is pretty much accessible 24/7. We put ourselves out there as being reachable and in touch. There was a time, almost forgotten now, when being out of touch was the standard. When having periods of un-reach-ability was expected. There was a time when having something called downtime was considered common.

Even now, as I sit here writing this, I pause and reach toward my pocket wanting to check my email. Wanting to see if anyone needs me. Wondering if anything wonderful, or more often terrible, has happened that I should know about.

If you are reading this and wondering, I want you to know that I don’t need you right now. The rest of the world can pretty much keep spinning without you for a bit also. Please go as far away as you can, and rest. Your time will come, you will be needed, but it’s not right now. Take a breath and regroup. We all need you to be well rested for when you’re actually needed. Right now all is well.

Namaste,
Kevin

Do you have a healthy Spirit Diet?

Newspapers

The interesting thing about the present is that everything is here.

There is no past. There is no future. Nothing exists except those things that are here in the present.

The present does represent the culmination of the past and the inception of the future, but it is not those things.

It is only the present. The present is the home for everything.

But consider for a moment, that even in this present we misrepresent it’s content and reality. Perhaps we have been deceived. Perhaps we are deceiving ourselves. Or, at the very least, we lack the information required to fully qualify the present and it’s contents. The fact that everything is here, implies that there is too much here for us to quantify, catalog and pass judgement on.

Yet we continue to try. We are constantly attempting to take inventory of and account for, what we have and what is happening to us. Us as individuals and us as a community.

Look at your own history. 1 year ago. 10 years ago.

What do you remember?

What concerns did you have at the time?

What was happening in the world around you that had your attention?

Did it make a larger impact?

Is there a history book written that even has footnotes about your concerns?

Bear in mind, that as you do this exercise, your memories have already been altered. As time has passed, and as you have read others stories about what was truly important at the time, you have adjusted your memories. You have weighted the ‘important’ memories and key events. Meanwhile the trivia of the moment has passed away.

Remember when you brushed your teeth on a rainy Thursday morning 10 years ago?

Remember when you stubbed your toe on the bed frame as you walked through a dark bedroom?

Remember when the planes crashed into the world trade center?

All of your memories have been prioritized based on your perception of the importance of those events. It is not a wrong thing, or a right thing, it is just a thing. This is something that has happened. Your job is not to change it, more to the point, your job is to be aware of it.

When you look at a history book, at the milestones it covers, it’s intriguing to consider, what was left out?

We alter the present through our perception. We alter the past through our edits. We imagine the future through our fantasy and fears. Is there room in all this for reality? Does there need to be?

When you look at the present, and everything that is happening today, which parts do you think will be remembered? Which parts will be discarded? Odds are that the things we believe are vital, crucial and life changing, will actually be footnotes at best and most likely discarded as unnecessary filler.

Memory Loss Concept

Does this mean your concerns are invalid? Does it mean that we are wasting our time? Does this mean we need to shift our focus to something other?

The short answer is, “Yes and no.”

Yes, you are wasting your time. No, you are not wasting your time. You are simply spending your time. We have a time allowance. Each day you spend your allowance. You cannot save up time for a rainy day. You cannot spend time on credit and pay it back later. Time is here and gone. Perhaps instead of worrying about wasting our time you should simply practice awareness of the passage of time.

Your concerns, your perceived world, is valid and correct. But they are also constructs of your perception.

You have pieced together this world based on what you believe is important or based on what you perceive as others saying is important. But in the latter case, you are still piecing the world together based on what you believe is important and flagging “what others say” as being important to you. Your world is constructed in your head.

Since your world is actually a construct in your head, of information you have chosen to piece together, you can chose to piece information together differently and thus actually change your world.

You can see a situation where you were robbed, as a situation where you donated money to someone less fortunate than you.

You can see a situation where you were wronged, as a situation where you served as a tool in a lesson for another person.

Your day to day activity is in fact 99 percent disposable. But disposable is not be be confused with wasted. Your daily actions are more like your diet for your spirit. Just like your physical body needs food, your spiritual body needs metaphorical food. Do you have a healthy spirit diet?

The impact of the caloric content of spiritual food is largely in your perception. Meaning when it comes to spirit, what you believe you are consuming is what you are consuming. Your attitude and your beliefs impact your results. A healthy spirit diet is more about believing than reality.

Two people can have exactly the same job at the same company doing the same work. One of these people can be happy and excited for the work they do, flowing through their work like a ray of sunshine. While their counterpart can loathe the activity and proceed through the day like a dark rain cloud, angry and stormy. They are both performing the same job, consuming the same spirit food, but the person that actually likes their job has a healthier spirit diet.

All this is meant to say, that we will never have total recall. We will never know, in a given moment, everything that is happening in the reality that surrounds us. Our attempts to consume everything, to get the big picture is a futile effort. If we read of all the tragedy that occurred in the world today we will miss out on the triumph. If we read of all the triumphs we miss the tragedy. Any attempt to consume all of both will lead to an oversight in some other department that we forgot existed, because we were so focused on everything in another area. If you rely on a summary of those events, we have to remember those were edited for content and they left our information that they deemed unnecessary filler. Everything we perceive as information is in fact filtered and processed from one reality to another.

When you were a kid did you ever play the game of telephone? You line up about 10 kids and whisper a story to the first kid. Then they whisper the story in the ear of the kid next to them and so on. Then when the story gets to the last child you ask them to tell the story out loud to the whole group. The whole chain of kids look astonished as they say “that’s not what I heard”. Sometimes a kid in the middle will even, just for fun, mess up the story and throw in something they know wasn’t in it. Even this is a great example of reality.

Expand the game of telephone to life. Everyone has filters. Sometimes they are aware of them and altering the story because they have an agenda, sometimes it’s just a misunderstanding when a concept goes through a person that doesn’t understand the idea. The point is, there is no pure information, there is no ultimate source of truth. Life is a giant game of telephone. Even in your head a story is being told and retold over and over again. Altered to fit your beliefs. Filtered to not mess with your reality.

There is no total recall. There is no ultimate truth. There is only this moment and everything in it. Allow the moments to flow through you. Try not to judge, try not to take in too much. Try to keep a good spiritual diet. If you can’t find a way to enjoy the spirity food you area already eating, then change your diet. You can’t take it all in, nor would it be a good idea if you could. You don’t need to take it all in. Everything is perfect.

Namaste,

Kevin

ChakraCommunity-TotalRecall