Category Archives: Self Improvement

Separating Meaning From Action

Posted on by kgoodman

A good friend of mine recently wrote a blog post about the distinction between your role and your calling. This is an important distinction and a good read, you can find it here. The post got me thinking about how easy it is to get caught up in the day to day actions we perform, the busyness and the maintenance of our lives, and forget to live.

I have two young children. If you want to talk about being caught up in the moment look to someone with children. Interestingly, being “caught up in the moment” and “living in the moment” are two distinctly different activities. I like the idea of living in the moment, but I can’t resist making plans. I typically have something that I want to be doing. Yet with two children around, with needs and plans of their own, my plans don’t always mesh with what reality has in store for me.

Out of this rises a dissatisfaction with the disconnect between what I want to be doing and the demands that my life puts on me. I suppose part of my frustration and dissatisfaction comes from a separation from what I enjoy versus what I’m doing. I’m not a huge fan of daily maintenance such as diaper changes. Then we get into my role, as primary bread winner for the family, this requires me to make plans regarding how to earn this money and keep that money coming in. Then there is the ego portion of planning, this tells me that what I had planned is much more important that what someone else is trying to do.

The truth is I don’t hate doing diapers that much. Sure I’d like it if my little one didn’t scream when being cleaned up, but where there is a strong willed child there is a future empowered adult, so I’m trying to embrace this. The truth is that I am caught up in the gap between what I feel my mission is in this world and what my daily life demands of me. This gap manifests as a disconnect between my daily actions and what I perceive as my plans in life.

Interestingly one of my plans in life is to have children… Which I now have… And this sometimes leads me to ask “What was I thinking?”… In fact what I was thinking good thoughts, and still am, most of the time. I wanted to enrich my life with the wonder of a child’s lifecycle and learning as they learn and seeing through their eyes. Not to mention that whole underlaying biological drive to reproduce and pass on your ideas to preserve for future generations (my ego digs this). I really wanted to connect in to all these moments of wonder and experiences and growth. I had no idea what I was asking for. Like all things in life, the reality of the thing does not meet the expectation of the thing. Having children is both far worse that I thought it would be and far more wonderful.

So to my point. How do we separate meaning, the why we are here, from the action, what we do while we are here?

How do we make sure we’re living the life we need to, to have the experience we are meant to?

The short and simple answer that helps me sleep at night, is that we don’t.

You don’t need to do anything. You are having exactly the experience you need to be having to enable your life to have the meaning it is meant to have.

So perhaps the greatest lesson you can learn, is the lesson of acceptance that all is as it should be.

For example, it has come to my attention that I am not a patient person. When I’ve decided I need or want something, the need becomes immediate and pressing. I like finding the solution and jumping to the end. Yet life is all about the steps in the middle. My children are a perfect illustration of this. Do I want fully developed 20 year old children that I don’t have to nurture and care for? Do I want to skip the whole experience of watching them grow up and helping them as they do? No, of course not. I should not expect the experience to be any different than it is. And the action of this experience and my reactions to the experience have lead me to the conclusion that I may need to practice a little more patience. The experience is exactly as it should be. It is my rejection of the experience and illusion, that it should be other than it is, that causes the dissatisfaction and tension.

So my main words if wisdom, if I have any at all, would be to not worry about your meaning. Don’t allow your quest for meaning to damage your experience or impede your actions. Your actions will be what is required of you.

Allow these actions to be your meditation.

Take each moment as a lesson. But you won’t always know what lesson it is until years down the road.

Embrace the joy of today, it’s all we have.

Make plans and allow them to fall apart.

Love those around you.

Find peace and share it with those around you. Meaning will come, when it is needed.

Namaste,

Kevin

Tuscany landscape at sunrise, Italy

Shave the Whales

Posted on by kgoodman

Beautiful young woman shaving her face with a razor

I’m always shaken up when this happens. When one of my core beliefs get thrown into the blazing bonfire of life.

It is not a philosophical debate.

It is not a “what if?…” scenario.

It is life throwing reality right up in my face and telling me that something I believe, fundamentally, is flawed, inconsistent, or just plain wrong.

I hate being wrong.

 

I have always appreciated the Dilbert comic. I remember a book that Scott Adams released back in the early 1990’s entitled “Shave The Whales…” It’s about how messages can often get lost in translation when you start with a good intention, but your words get mixed up.

 

But that’s not my core challenge today. My challenge comes from the original message. Saving the whales… Or more to the point Saving anyone. Well even more to the point it’s about control, and letting go.

 

I remember a comedy special by Dennis Miller that I listened to in the 90s. I laughed a lot and I recall he was very sarcastic and embittered… But I don’t remember exactly what he said. Except for one thing. It struck me in my core and while I laughed and laughed, and I’ve even quoted him several times over the years, it is also an idea that I’ve struggled with, ever since I heard it.

“You can’t save everyone — just try not to be living next to them when they go off.”
— Dennis Miller, April 27, 1995

I think the power of this humor is that it both comforts me and makes me uncomfortable.

 

I am comforted by the release, that it’s not my job, nor even within my capabilities, to save everyone. This removes a terrible burden that my idealism has placed upon my psyche. It lets me off the hook.

 

At the same time it makes me uncomfortable, because a fundamental concept at my core, part of my upbringing and belief system, is that everyone can be saved. I have idealistically believed that everyone could be saved, and with enough time and initiative, I could be the one that does that saving.

 

It’s a terrible burden that I have held onto and in many ways, at times, it has frozen me to inaction. The daunting prospect of saving the world is such an insurmountable task as to be quickly dismissed by the mind as impossible, therefore impractical, therefore, let’s just watch some TV…

 

So as I interact with people that are so different from me and so out of my experience that the mere thought of connecting with them is comical, let alone the thought of connecting in such a meaningful way as to “save them”. It highlights for me that I have taken on, in my mind, a responsibility that is simply unreasonable.

 

More to the point, what am I “saving” them from? What do I see as the threat that is so sinister that they must be saved. And what leveraging idea, saving solution, do I have, that would result in their being “saved”.

 

It’s a logic path that I must face to come to peace with the fact that my core is being dismantled. This has happened in the past, and the results are usually liberating and freeing… After the pain is over… Right now, I am in the pain. So I can only comfort myself with past experience and remind myself of another favorite quote.

“You have survived the past. Odds are, you will survive the future.”

 

And so I must deepen my practice of letting go, and letting the universe guide my path. I am here to experience life and to live in the fullest. Sometimes this means that I must lose notions that hold me back, so I can continue to be propelled forward. Baggage is only useful if you need what you store in it. Lose the baggage and free your mind.

 

So as I write this to myself, and find a few people reading over my shoulder, I remind myself in a calm soothing voice. “You can’t shave everyone…”

 

Namaste,

Kevin

Beautiful young woman shaving her face with a razor

 

The Natural Order

Posted on by kgoodman

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The world is out of balance. You can feel it in when you wake in the morning. Sense it on the roadways. See it in the eyes of strangers.

 

Everything has a natural order to it.

 

But it is not our job to maintain order.

 

You cannot directly fix the world, but you can observe the imbalance. Through the observation you can see what needs go unmet and find ways to provide within this context. You can’t take responsibility for the imbalance, on the whole, but you can be a source of balance.

 

The universe has a balance to it, and that balance is maintained by universal forces beyond our control. All things naturally seek balance. Perceived imbalance is simply that, a perception. The larger system, the universe, seeks to balance. It is not a desire; it is a fact.

 

However, in the context of universal balance, there are cycles, waves if you will, of motion going toward and moving away from equilibrium. When you see the world out of balance in one direction or another you are witnessing a wave of motion around the greater center.

 

The scale of these movements can be hard to comprehend. These cycles may take months, years, or even many, many lifetimes.

 

A simple analogy, to help understand the bigger picture, is the predator/prey model. By understanding the balance sought between the hunter and the hunted, foxes and rabbits, we can gain an understanding of the larger system.

 

You need a certain number of foxes to keep the rabbit population under control. For example, if you have 1 fox for every 100 rabbits then both populations stay balanced. Each fox will eat a few rabbits. The foxes will have a few babies and the rabbits will have a few more babies and the balance maintains itself.

 

However, if one year the foxes are particularly successful at mating and have many more foxes, these new foxes will need more food. They will eat more rabbits and the rabbit population will decline. Over time the lack of sufficient rabbits will lead to a decline in the fox population.

 

Alternately, if you have too few foxes the rabbit population gets out of control, rabbits eat too much vegetation and with a lower food source the rabbit population declines.

 

Initially, from the outside, the cycles of death and birth appear random and dramatic. But a larger picture starts to form over time of the birth and death rates as you see the natural balance of the populations establish. You can even work out an equation to establish the ideal population of each creature within the system.

 

Each individual life still matters, but the picture of the larger system takes shape and balance can be observed.

 

What does this mean to you?

Should we form a foundation to protect the foxes?

Or start trapping rabbits?

Why should we care?

 

The foxes, the rabbits and the universal search for balance are all related. They all grant us a larger picture perspective on the search for balance and natural order in your own life. You don’t really have to worry about the rabbits or the foxes, the universe will take care of them.

 

For that matter you don’t have to worry about yourself. The universe will take care of you. Worry doesn’t create balance, the natural order of the system does.

 

If you learn how to flow with the universe, you ease the tension with the world around you.

 

If you continue to fight the universe in your attempt to swim upstream against the flow of balance, you will generate angst and discomfort.

 

Your destination is the same whether you flow or fight. The results are the same in both cases, but the experience is completely different. Would you rather life a life in harmony or live a life in conflict?

 

It is important to understand, even though you are subject to larger forces, you are not powerless. You are part of this system. As such you have an integral role in the systemic action and reaction. You are part of the problem and part of the solution.

 

Tap in to your intuition and awareness. Your action is still required in this world. But understanding how to apply that action can be best achieved through using your intuition and being aware.

 

Our attempts to access our intuition are undermined by the flooding of our senses provided by the world around us. The world we live in is bombarding our senses with input. It can be difficult to separate out wheat from the chaff. To retain what is valuable and release what is useless is a crucial skill. Intuitive impulses still exist, but they are drowned in the clutter of all the other input.

 

This muted awareness of our intuition leads to poor decision making. As we tap into our awareness and leverage the resulting intuitive impulses, the appropriate pathway becomes more clear. We can identify the path that will generate the least friction and align our personal goals with the actions of universal balance.

 

Living an intuitive life with appropriate awareness leads to personal balance. You can become a part of the change without feeling responsible for the change.

 

Thinking you must change the world yourself is daunting at best and impossible at worst. On the other hand, approaching your day in a way that enables you to live a balanced and fulfilled life, is liberating and empowering.

 

Be the change that you wish to see and let go of trying to alter the path of the universe. Instead become a peaceful part of the universal natural order.

 

The universe is already in motion and you are in good hands.

Namaste,

Kevin

 

Because You Are Too BIG

Posted on by kgoodman

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Growing up is difficult.

I recently heard my wife explain to my daughter that she was too big to do something. At the age of 3 this can be difficult to understand. She remembers enjoying laying in a baby’s bouncy seat and just bouncing. However, the cloth structure is meant for a 15 lbs infant, not a 30 lbs. 3-year-old that wants a trampoline!

I recall often during my adolescence hearing “because you’re too small” or “because you’re too big”. It’s frustrating not being able to do what I used to do, and not being able to do what the adults are doing. When you are too short to ride the roller coaster or go on the water slide, and everyone around you appears to be ready but you.

We often think the process of growing up stops when we reach adult size. But all too often we find that we can’t do what we used to do, for one reason or another. Even worse, there are other things we still can’t do yet, and may never be able to do.

I can’t run off on a luxury cruise to the Bahamas today, that requires a little more planning and budget. I can’t spend the first day of summer vacation riding my bike down the park with my friends. Which reminds me, why did we agree to give up summer vacations when we become adults? I think adults need them more than kids do!

Regardless of where you are in life, it’s important to embrace the joy of what you can and not worry about the outliers. There will always be things you’ve outgrown and  things you aren’t up for yet. Don’t lose site of the wonder of the day by introducing the dissatisfaction engendered by the things you cannot do. Instead explore the possibilities and wonder of what you can do today.

Try not to worry about your perceived boundaries. There are a lot of advantages to being exactly who you are, where you are, and the size you are. You’re kind perfect right now. Enjoy.

Namaste,

Kevin

 

Measuring Your Life Through Spiritual Impact

Posted on by kgoodman

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It is all too easy today to get distracted from your values and start measuring yourself with the wrong metrics.

When money is abundant in the economy, it seems like we are all measured by financial impact.

When money is scarce in the economy, it seems like we are all measured by financial impact.

It is all too easy to start picturing ourselves as piggy banks instead of spiritual beings. Whether you have money or not, there are things of more substance to measure yourself against. It doesn’t even matter if the world recognizes your effort, you will know.

You need to keep grounded in the metrics that reflect your values.

Take a moment to consider what you value. Now think for a moment on what metrics can be useful in measuring your impact within those values.

It is okay to value money. Money is simply a tool. Tools can be used for good and bad impact. Tools have value.

I absolutely value money, but I also find myself resentful of it. I work hard at getting money to take a back seat to my higher values.

I value spiritual growth. I nurture it in myself and I encourage it in others. It’s a big reason why I write and share with others. I love to communicate and share ideas with people. I also love to connect my daily experiences with my spiritual growth.

Spirituality is, in many ways, a tool. I have seen spirituality used for good and bad.

One of the most authentic pathways to spirituality is through personal empowerment. Reminding people of their inherent value gives them the confidence to trust their instincts and follow their intuitive path. Through self esteem, self discovery is enabled. As they walk the path, natural instincts will kick.

I have also seen people’s drive for a spiritual connection lead them down a path to communities that exploit them. These communities will take a person’s natural instinct and drive it toward the communities needs instead of the individuals needs.

Being a self actualized individual feeds communities in a natural way.

Telling people how they should be spiritual puts forth a false spirit. It isn’t as powerful and it doesn’t last when the external driving force is removed.

Ultimate spiritual drive and impact must come from with the individual.

I often get distracted from my own values and find that I am measuring myself against what others value. This miscalculation leads to a path where I don’t measure up. This is when I find that I am measuring my life by metrics that matter to others, but are not as important to me. My impact and my inherent value come more from authenticity than from mimicry. Try all I want, I will never be someone else. I can only excel at being me.

Finding ways to measure your spiritual impact can be valuable. But they can also be distracting. If you don’t know how to measure your impact, don’t worry, just follow your path. Be true to yourself. Don’t worry about metrics and measures. Living an authentic life will lead to spiritual impact that cannot always be measured, but can be felt. Relax into the flow of your life.

Namaste,

Kevin

Putting Forth Your Best

Posted on by kgoodman

It’s important in this life to do your best and let go of the results.

There are many challenges in both stages of the process.

Doing your best can be challenging because there are often expectations that we are somebody else. It’s important to remember that when you’re giving your best, it’s YOUR best, not someone else’s.

There is often confusion about what we bring to the table, and frequently that confusion comes from within us. Begin to understand your strengths and operate from within them. When operating from within your strengths you benefit everyone around you.

It can be difficult to manage expectations on two levels.

First, the people around you can often expect you to be exactly like themselves or someone else they are thinking of. It is very rare in life to find someone that expects you to be you.

Secondly, you have spent so much of your life with people expecting you to be someone else, that often you expect you to be someone else.

I know this sounds odd, but think about it for a few moments. When was the last time you were disappointed in yourself? Odds are that you were measuring yourself against a standard that may not even apply to you.

To find your true self and maintain that truth throughout your life is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. And by direct correlation you become a blessing and a gift to the world.

People being true to themselves and authentic change the world.

People trying to be someone else, simply blend into the crowd.

The next step is letting go of the results. Please bare in mind this does not mean apathy. This does not mean you no longer care about the outcome. This means you trust that you have done your best and that the ultimate outcome is beyond your control. Allow for success and allow for failure, but be secure in the fact that you have offered the world the most authentic you, that you have to offer.

Lastly, allow for this to evolve. As you learn more about your true self, the authentic you, your authentic offerings will likewise change and evolve.

This does not mean you are changing yourself, you are discovering yourself.

This does not mean you were false or wasteful with previous offerings, it simply means that you were in process.

We are all in process.

I believe that is the point of our life here. We should embrace the process discovery but let go of the expectations and timeline for results. Allow for you to become aware of you at a rate that is appropriate for you.

Namaste,

Kevin

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The Path Of Resistance

Posted on by kgoodman

I have always believed that things should flow organically in life. There is a natural rhythm to life and our path through it.

That doesn’t mean it’s easy, it does mean it should be fluid.

It is important to remember that organic things do some difficult work. Organic doesn’t mean easy. It implies that the process is natural.

I believe that when you find yourself hitting resistance, there are two potential reasons:

  • You’re going the wrong way
  • You’re going the right way

Understanding the difference can be subtle and frustrating. It can be especially frustrating resistance comes from your own team, the people that are closest to you.

Traveling the path of most resistance is frequently not the right answer. Sometimes you are simply headed in the wrong direction.

Other times you’re headed the right way, but on the wrong path.

Shortly after I had moved to California, I drove  up to San Francisco for a conference. I was not used to driving on busy city streets. Driving around in San Francisco can be challenging for those unfamiliar with one way streets. As I tried to find my way to the convention center I took a right turn, because I knew I needed to be somewhere in that direction. I was so disorientated though my sign reading skill had shut down. So I was ignoring the helpful signs pointing the other direction simply stating “One Way”. Not only did I turn and head the wrong direction but a massive dump truck being driven by a man who confidently knew he had the right of way, was headed straight at me. I quickly veered into a convenient driveway and waited for my racing heart to calm down. I was headed in the right direction, but on the wrong road.

I was soon able to find another road that was one way, in the direction I wanted to go, and I arrived safely at my conference.

Traveling the path of least resistance is frequently not the right answer. The easy thing, and the right thing, are not always the same. When you are first learning to ride a bike, the easy thing to do is to fall down get bruised and walk away. But it is certainly not the ideal thing to do. If you give up you’ll never reach the next stage, which is being able to ride a bike. You are up against a learning curve; However, Once you’ve mastered the basics of balance and learned to trust the bicycle, you’ve gained a powerful and fun life skill. You can get around a lot quicker now. Once you’ve learned how to balance the road opens up to you.

Traveling under your own power is so much more efficient on a bicycle.

As with all things in life, the path to success involves operating between two extremes. Finding the balance between “way too easy” and “way too hard”.

As you operate just beyond your zone of ease, your skills grow and your path unfolds. If things are too easy, you lose your edge and become lazy.

If things are too hard, you can’t even get started. It would be like trying to balance on a bike when you haven’t even learned to walk yet. You simply can’t make the leap and you give up. You’ve set your mark so high that you can’t even see it, let alone imagine how you could reach it.

The road to success is somewhere in the middle on the moderate path.

Remember when you run into resistance it can often be a sign that you’re on the right path.

Trust your instincts. Listen to your gut. Follow your heart. Stay sharp.

Namaste,

Kevin

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The Icarus Deception

Posted on by kgoodman

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I’ve been working through The Icarus Deception By Seth Godin

 

The base concept of the book comes from the legend of Icarus.

 

If you’re not familiar with the story of Icarus, here is the overview. Icarus and his father were imprisoned. To escape his father crafted wings for them out of feathers and wax. They were successful in flying. Icarus’ father warned him not to fly too close to the sun. As they were escaping Icarus felt so powerful that he flew high into the air approaching the sun. As he did so, the sun heated the wax, the wings fell apart, and Icarus plummeted to his death.

 

The deception from the title comes from our cultural retelling of the story. Part of the original story, that is withheld by the industrial world, is that he was also warned not to fly too low. Flying too close to the sea would cause him to lose lift and crash.

 

We are constantly surrounded by messages of conformity telling us to lay low, fit in and generally don’t shine.

 

We need to break free of these messages.

 

Remember that changing your viewpoint takes time.

 

The messages of conformity and the cultural drive to be a cog in the great machine have been hammered into us since birth. It’s not something that can be unlearned over night… But you can learn to think and act differently.

 

I have been struggling with changing my mindset for years. I have actively made choices that have been moving me in this direction for over 8 years and I only now do I feel like my egg is beginning to crack. Over time, I will emerge a new creature, and you can too.

 

Remember, when the challenges comes, you are the right person, in the right place, at the right time. You are making a difference.

 

Keep up the good work.

Namaste,

Kevin

Crafting Illusion Into Truth

Posted on by kgoodman

School Shootings.

Corporate Greed.

Genetically Modified Foods, Untested and Unleashed on our food supply.

Religions that teach outsiders are wrong or even evil.

Governments that can’t manage their pocketbooks.

It’s not uncommon for me to be frustrated. I am frequently lost in thoughts of how the world should be and the contrast of how the world actually is causes me tension. This cognitive dissonance creates angst and fatigue as I try to comprehend the space between what is, and what should be.

I believe, that as a culture/society/world, we can rise together to become more and better than we presently are.

I believe that we can craft around us a world that we are truly proud to live in.

I believe we have a lot of work ahead of us.

I have a favorite quote from Babylon 5 (a sci-fi TV show from the 1990’s). A character was delusional, believing he was King Arthur. The delusion was causing this person to live a life of meaning and he was making a difference. The doctor on the show wanted to “heal” him, to bring him back to “reality”. Marcus Cole defended the delusional man’s position saying “Better the illusions that exalt us than 10,000 truths”. “Babylon 5: A Late Delivery from Avalon (#3.13)” (1996)

This has always stuck with me. The world is a challenging place. And the truth of the world, that media would push on us, is that we are a violent and out of control people without moral guidance. But I don’t believe that is the whole truth. It is a half truth that only tells the negative parts of the story.

I choose to focus on the illusions that uplift me and allow for a world that can be better. I choose to believe that we can all be a part of the world we want to live in, and make that world the truth.

I invite you, as 2013 begins, to find the illusions that make our world a better place. Focus in on those illusions until they become our truth.

Namaste,

Kevin

You Cannot Run Out Of Time

Posted on by kgoodman

“You cannot run out of time. There is infinite Time. You are finite. Zathras is finite. This…is wrong tool” – Zathras (Babylon 5, 1996) – click for sound byte

Reminder to self, “time is abundant.”

I have been dropping things lately. The hypochondriac in me was beginning to think I might have some early onset neurological disorder. Then I started looking at when these things were happening, and I realized these occurrences are not coming from system failures, they are coming from my perception of scarcity.

I have been operating in an attitude of scarcity of time. Rushing from one thing to the next has lead me to a mindset of urgency and I have lost patience for the moment.

I could blame our culture. I could point the finger at my financial needs. I could even blame my iphone, always making me tap the screen to make sure I’m not missing anything.

But at the end if the day, blame is no resolution.

I am the one intimately impacted by my rush. I am the projector of the perception of lack.

My attitude of scarcity ripples out and impacts the world around me in so many unseen ways.

So I must remind myself, through grace and release, that “Time is Infinite”.

I love this cliche’ – Each moment is a gift, that’s why they call it the “Present”.

Namaste, Kevin

clock at midnight