It’s all part of the package, being human that is, to interpret everything around us through our ego. The ego is a major portion of our physical experience here in the world. Anytime something changes, someone says something or a bird flaps it’s wings in the air, our first thought is typically “How does this affect me?”

It’s basic primitive thinking at our very core. I know this because when I’m tired and all of my built up responses are too tired to respond, it is still there, ready to fight for my best interests. When my intellect is indisposed and my gentleman is exhaused and my civility has already gone to bed for the night, my ego is always ready to jump in and take charge.

Don’t get me wrong. Ego is awesome. Ego is crucial. Ego is probably the reason we’ve survived on the planet as long as we have. It’s crucial to our functioning as individuals and an important component of our being.

The problem is, my ego is a bit of an ass. He’s self serving, completely obsessed with me and totally over the top when it comes to what is prudent and necessary.  To make matters worse, my ego doesn’t know when to quit. And when I’m tired or feel backed into a corner the ego is the part of me that stands up and represents. But there is more to me than just ego.

It is also important, when interacting with others, to realize that everyone has one. Every other person that triggers my ego is probably coming a place near their own ego that they may not be aware of. In many ways we are all operating in little bubbles of ego and all seems fine and good until our ego starts to run into someone else. Sparks fly and feathers get ruffled, as our egos battle it out, each having the goal of defending it’s perceived territory and best interests.

Then there are the more enlightened times, when I’m not as tired and my higher brain function is still firing. It’s these moments when I have more control over my mouth and can exercise reason over my ego. My ego is still there doing it’s job. But I can identify that my ego is not all of me, I am more than just a 3 million year old defense mechanism. It’s these higher patterns that bring out the good in humanity. It’s seeing that there is more to life than survival. It’s remembering that it’s not all about me.

The next time you feel yourself hunkering down for a fight getting ready to defend your turf, ask yourself, “What would ego do?” If you find that your actions are aligned with your ego, you may want to consider another path.

Namaste,

Kevin

It happens all the time, I hear someone talking about their path and I identify with them. I see we are on the same road, this is wonderful!

And then the comparisons start. I see how far ahead of me they are and my self judgement lights up.

“You aren’t a vegan like he is.”

“You don’t understand the world like she does.”

“You’re not happy all the time like he is.”

This list goes on and on. My voice of self judgement is quite creative.

In many ways the presence of services like Facebook make this even more prevalent. I don’t even have to leave my home to run into someone that appears to be doing more with their life. I just run an app on my phone and see people further down paths I wish to travel.

It makes me sad and it make me jealous. But worse than all that, it makes me feel lesser, like I am somehow inferior.

Logically it’s silly. There is no superiority to a person that leaves the house at 6am for a jog instead of a person that leaves the house at 6:15. And when you’re out for your run there is no point getting frustrated when you see someone ahead of you on the trail. Maybe they left before you and maybe they are a faster runner than you, but they are not you. You are performing your task in a perfect and appropriate manner for the only person that the task is relevant to, you.

But there is still that voice. And so it has come to my awareness at several points in my life, that the very people that inspire me, the very people I both admire and emulate, are the people that sometimes bring me down. Perhaps I trip because I spend too much time looking up. And perhaps I look up because I think they are higher than me. When in reality, they are just like me. They live, the struggle, they persevere, and sometimes they give up. The angle of observation that leads to my stumbling is solely a function of the height of the imaginary pedestal that I have raised them up on.

We are equals and companions. We are all in this together.

Sometimes the reverse happens. Sometimes I find someone that I perceive myself to be ahead of, and the little voice goes off in my head again.

“How could he not know it works this way?”

“She hasn’t figured this out yet? Oh myyyy!”

“Why does he still struggle with this? I have moved on from it.”

It makes me feel good and it make me righteous. But worse than all that, it makes me feel better, like I am somehow superior.

In many ways this causes me more guilt and dismay, when my inner voice talks down to others. It’s funny in a way that I’m more comfortable defaming myself than others. When my inner voice says I’m not worthy, I tend to give it credibility. But when my inner voice defames others I tend to chastise it or at least debate.

Maybe that means I’m half enlightened. Is that a thing? Can you get halfway to a quantum leap?

In truth I don’t really think being enlightened has to do with your ability to strike up a defense with your inner voice. And I don’t think the inner voice goes away. But I do think that the volume nob gets turned waaaay down when you realize the truth of things, that it’s words are only a reflection of insecurities and conflicts raised by false perceptions that trace back to moments beyond memory.

We are equals and companions. We are all in this together.

So I put all this together simply to say, it happens. To make you aware that the voices are natural and normal. And that the act of raising yourself up through them or falling down as a result of them is typical of the human condition… But it doesn’t have to be. Our minds are primed for comparisons. Comparisons are valuable and powerful and insightful. But the next step must be approached with caution. The transformation of comparison to conclusion is a mighty leap. Be aware of the conclusions you draw.

It can be challenging to simply stop drawing conclusions. Conclusions are in our nature. But when aware we can filter conclusions to try to determine what weighed into them. If you are drawing an emotional conclusion or if somehow your conclusions are based on ego, then it’s likely a false derivative of the truth.

Seek the conclusions that elevate all, harm none and guide us to the truth.

Namaste,

Kevin

Beliefs are tricky little beasts. The longer we hold a belief the more foundational that belief becomes. The more foundational a belief is, the more we have to lose if that belief is proven wrong. The more we have to lose, the more emotional we get when defending the belief and less rational.

This is one of my favorite stories from Emo Phillips:

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off.

So I ran over and said “Stop! don’t do it!”

“Why shouldn’t I?” he said.

I said, “Well, there’s so much to live for!”

He said, “Like what?”

I said, “Well…are you religious or atheist?”

He said, “Religious.”

I said, “Me too! Are you christian or buddhist?”

He said, “Christian.”

I said, “Me too! Are you catholic or protestant?”

He said, “Protestant.”

I said, “Me too! Are you episcopalian or baptist?”

He said, “Baptist!”

I said,”Wow! Me too! Are you baptist church of god or baptist church of the lord?”

He said, “Baptist church of god!”

I said, “Me too! Are you original baptist church of god, or are you reformed baptist church of god?”

He said,”Reformed Baptist church of god!”

I said, “Me too! Are you reformed baptist church of god, reformation of 1879, or reformed baptist church of god, reformation of 1915?”

He said, “Reformed baptist church of god, reformation of 1915!”

I said, “Die, heretic scum”, and pushed him off.

Belief is powerful. Belief is divisive. Belief is fundamental.

If we are not guarded from the power of our beliefs we can allow them to control us, instead of guiding us. Beliefs need to serve as a foundation for knowledge. But they also need to be adaptable.

Beliefs are a tool of salvation and a weapon of mass destruction

There will come a time, and you may have already had this happen, when you find someone that you love, believes everything that you do… except for one thing. It may even be a conflict on the one thing that you hold most dear. And at that moment you have to decide will you continue to embrace and love them? Or will you push them off the bridge? (metaphorically)

I want to be clear here. I’m not talking about the old saying “Love the sinner and hate the sin.” I’m not suggesting that you are the person to judge another. If you fall into a belief system that involves the concept of ‘sin’, then that belief system dictates that it is God’s job to judge and not yours. So cut it out (said with love).

What I am suggesting is more radical and introspective, the person that must be reviewed and held up to a higher standard in these situations is you. I’m also not suggesting that you must change your beliefs based on those around you, this exercise is about awareness and acceptance. Perhaps the exercise will result in a change belief, or perhaps you will come to the conclusion that there is more than one way to believe on the subject.

The longer we have held a belief the more we tend to revere that belief. Revere/Take For granted. And beliefs that contradict are regarded as heresy.  Heresy is a powerful word. It doesn’t bring to mind level headed behavior. When you consider the response of a person to another that they regard as a heretic, that response is not rational. The response to a heretic is emotional, and powerful emotion at that. Rage, Fear, Distain, all emotions brought to mind by the very uttering of the word heretic.

So I encourage you to believe. Belief make us strong, it gives us purpose, it enables us to live fulfilled lives. But practice mindfulness within your framework of beliefs. Consider, are your beliefs making you a better person? Are your beliefs making the world a better place? Lastly, what emotions do your beliefs engender in you and those around you?

If you find yourself surrounded by heretics are you being the change in the world that you wish to see? Or are you part of the problem?

Namaste,

Kevin

It is interesting how our tastes change over time. I used to love getting messy, playing in the mud, digging in the dirt. I’m sure I was like a typical toddler happy to have my hair full of hummus, or delighted to have my diaper deluged in dirt. But at some point, I’m not even clear when, something changed. I’m no longer a fan of muck.

I’m not a huge fan of swimming in lakes, at least not ones with slick slimy banks. I don’t like mucking about in the mud. That said, give me a fishing rod and a good set of waders and boots and I’ll slog through anything. I guess just keep the mud off my skin.

On my commute this week I went over a dirty stream flowing into the San Francisco bay, lined with a slimy, muddy bank. And my first thought was “Yuck!!!”. My second thought was about my 15 month old and how much he would love running his fingers through it and finger painting his face with it… Which again made me go “Yuck!”

I’m sure if I allowed my 15 month old near it, he would be in seventh heaven. A seemingly limitless supply of mud! For sliding around in and squishing between your toes. Can you image the feeling of coating your hair in its brown gushy goodness? I can, and as previously stated, my current mind set is, “Yuck!”

I have to say, at least in part, I have health concerns associated with the mud itself. Who knows what kind of bacteria or other organisms might be growing in those muddy piles. And I also have to say there is a little bit of fear involved. Maybe I had enough people correct me educate me over the years. Maybe I was told one too many times of the dangers of getting mucky. Or maybe I just got in trouble one too many times for getting dirty and making more laundry.

I remember a time when I was a teen and there was a summer rain storm. I was over at my best friend Brian’s house and there was a low spot of grass running between his house and the neighbors house. Normally you’d refer to this as a drainage ditch or water diverting area. But in the right conditions with the proper mindset, you’ve got yourself a water slide.

I don’t know how long the storm lasted or how long we played there. But we’d start at the back of the house and take a running dive, forward into the grass ditch, sliding on our bellies for 30 feet or so. Stand, laugh, run to the back of the house and repeat.

We were drenched, filthy, and grinning from ear to ear.

I simply can’t imagine doing it today. I remember the feeling of fun. But I have a hard time picturing the abandon that would be required to dive into the mud and just enjoy it. Abandoning all things I ‘know’ in favor of enjoying the moment.

If I were to make a point today, it would come from this. Knowledge is a double edged sword. Everything that we learn propels us forward to the next level in terms of knowing of how things work. But it also holds us back from the previous level of, well of, ‘Ignorance is bliss’. And it begins to break down the mystery.  The more we know the less we can escape knowing. Knowledge is both powerful and a pair of shackles, all bound into one bite sized package.

I don’t know if there is a break even point. A point between where we we know too little and we know too much. I think I must have passed it years ago. I often wonder if that is the difference between childhood and adulthood. The crossover is so exciting and such a whirlwind that we don’t consider the cost of knowing more. In many ways it harkens back to the bible story of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. You can’t know the cost of the knowledge until you have the knowledge. You can’t possible understand the impact of what you will know until you know it, and then you can’t decide to go back.

Or can you?

This to me, is one of the reasons why reincarnation works philosophically. This is one of my most pressing arguments to why I think reincarnation would be a valuable tool in growing a soul. If the purpose of our experience in this world it to cultivate an enlightened soul. That enlightenment would be frequently hampered by knowledge. Scriptures often highlight that our goal should be to become childlike. And one of the major attributes of childlike is unhindered by knowledge. So in this way the universe allows for a reset button so we can experience a simpler state once more.

I have noticed something else about the progression of knowledge, an abundance of knowledge introduces subtlety. Meaning that a little knowledge can cause one to think in black and white, but a great deal of knowledge moves things back to shades of gray. As you are first learning you come to believe that your new knowledge is paramount and infallible.  But further experience shows you where it fails. And the more you learn and the more you experience you find that what you thought was truth was in fact only a facet. And in this way your knowledge softens and becomes organic.

This experience of knowledge growing and taking on a life of it’s own allows it to become subtle once more. And that subtlety then introduces wonder back into your life. And I believe that is the process of enlightenment.

And once you’ve learned everything there is to know. Once you’ve experienced all that can be experienced. And realized it is all part of this cosmic mystery that we both embrace and ignore every day, only then, do you really come back to the truest conclusion we can possibly hope for…

That it’s okay to just play in the mud.

Namaste,

Kevin