(Click to play audio file)
I hate being late. It really grates on me.
Some days, you do what you do, you bring everything to the table, but the balance sheet tallies wrong, and you end up in debt.
There is always tomorrow. But how do I judge my today?
Today I was late, everything was out of time, I was behind from square one, and for the first time in 2 years I didn’t get my blog out before noon.
But how do I tally my day? What is my currency?
If I judge on timeliness, I lost. I didn’t make my deadlines and I didn’t fulfill all of my commitments.
If I judge on grace under pressure, I lost. I was frantic and overwhelmed and I lost it with those around me that I hold most dear.
If I judge on Cosmic Karma, I suppose tied. I shifted focus from what I wanted to do to what I had to do. I had to wait for the time to breath later in the day. The world didn’t end and my blog got written. Nobody unsubscribed when I missed my noon deadline (they waited till my email came out).
Can I judge myself on being non-judgemental? Can I go back to he beginning of the day and forgive myself for taking care of my priorities before my pleasures? I love writing this blog, but today my commitments were high and passion suffered in the face of need. But I found a time for both, at a later time.
Can you practice awareness in the moment, after the moment has passed? Can I look back at how I reacted and find a path that I would have wished I took? And is that any different than regret? Becoming a better me by criticizing the me of the past?
When it’s all said and done I am the person that I have always been. I will do what I can, and I won’t do what I cannot.
When I look out at the world and cast a light of compassion and grace to all the people struggling out there, I hope that my eyes will stumble upon a mirror. Then my eyes will meet with those of a man who can most benefit from my grace and compassion. The man who needs me to understand and accept him above all others. I will see the man who needs my unconditional love most of all. And he will weep at the acceptance when he realizes he is truly loved.