Thank you for the interest and comments on last weeks post. I’ve decided to share the second part of the story. This came up just a few weeks ago during body talk and I haven’t had time to fully process the implications of it.
I have a 3 year old and a 10 week old. I have always been set off by crying, but I just figured every parent is. There were times when my 3 year old was younger that her crying would just set me off into a very negative place. My beloved wife has been in charge of most of the night time duties, partially because I can’t handle extended crying, it just puts me on edge and makes me anxious.
About 6 weeks back, when our baby was 4 weeks old, we took a trip up to Berkley, CA. On the approximately hour long drive home our baby woke up and started crying. He had protested car rides in the past so we weren’t sure what we could do for him other than get home and out of the car. So we kept driving. Instead of settling down, he cried the last 30 minutes of the car ride. When we got home I was shaking, anxious and just a mess. I felt like I was on the edge of an anxiety attack for the next 6 days. It made me cranky and irritable and I felt miserable. I was set off in a big way.
So when I went in for my next body talk session, I mentioned I’d been anxious to my body talk practitioner. She usually questions my body to see what I need to process that week. But she also takes notes about how I’m doing before the session and then asks if my body has those things to process as part of the agenda. In this case my body and my mind were on the same page. We needed to process this crying response.
What came up, still amazes me.
I had a soul fragment attached to me from a Vietnam veteran. When he was in the war, he had been commanded to “clear out a village”. After the carnage and killing he was standing in the center of the village and all he could hear was the screaming of the babies that were left. As she described this energy fragment an intense vision of the situation came to me. I still shutter now thinking about the horror of it.
So this was the tie in to why I couldn’t stand to hear babies scream. She cleared the energy through the processes that body talk uses and the results were amazing. My anxiety lightened immediately. I still react to crying, but I argue it’s more on a parental level now and less of a post traumatic stress response.
I found my reaction to this knowledge interesting. In my previous post I talked about my asthma and the fragment that had generated that problem. When I learned about the soul fragment and how it worked, I felt like a hero. I had taken on the burden of another and helped to balance out the universe through my life. It made me feel good and victorious. It’s amazing because my asthma has always made me feel weak or lesser. Yet learning that I’d dealt this this for 30 years as someone else’s burden made me feel heroic.
When I learned about this Vietnam fragment, I felt victimized. Why would the universe burden me with such horrible energy? It felt abusive and wrong.
I find this so interesting because looking at the situations from an outside prospective, I can see them as both just energy. And I could feel equally heroic or victimized in both scenarios. It may have simply had to do with my energy entering the situation. I really don’t have an answer to that.